Wednesday, 29 August 2018

The Real Truth Behind Making Friends In Your 20's

The Real Truth Behind Making Friends In Your 20's
Back in January I wrote a blog post all about my thoughts on making friends in your 20's, but I never thought that- nearly nine months later- it would still be as popular as it was back then. I think it's safe to say that a lot of people feel like they're in a similar situation and I felt inspired to kick-start my 'friendship making' as a result. Today I'm sharing with you the highs and lows of making friends and the lessons I've learnt in the meantime too. 

Frustration | As an adult, other than work, you're barely put in a situation where you're together pretty much half the day like you were in school. When first making friends (and maybe I'm on my own here) I was over-eager; getting frustrated at how slowly the progression in a friendship was. A week in a school friendship would have been enough to have two  fall outs, three making ups, whilst talking about anything and everything, but I realised that my new-found friend wouldn't want to talk about what my next-door neighbour did last week, but would rather get to know me first. Building a friendship takes time and effort as somebody who didn't know you at all a week ago may not be up for being your BFF just yet, but the time may come. 

You Feel Like You're Five Again | Primary school was all about running up to somebody and being a little bit more 'in your face' about wanting to hang out, whereas in secondary school you just had to hang around them long enough for them to tolerate you. Adult friendships are more like the former which may make you a little bit overwhelmed, but a simple "do you fancy meeting up for a coffee?" or even being outright honest about thinking you'd get along can be pretty effective. 

Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy | This is one element of friend making I found the hardest; why would somebody who had an amazing job, already a great group of friends and a perfect life/car/family want to be friends or even have room for little ol' me? Despite being a blogger and knowing exactly what goes on behind those perfect snaps of your delicious food or your holiday poses, it didn't stop me from initially putting myself off putting myself out there. When I started talking to people, I realised that sometimes what they showed online wasn't what they felt at all, and actually they were very similar to me, comparing themselves to others too. 
The Real Truth Behind Making Friends In Your 20's
 Having Something In Common | From food to mutual friends, your love of ASOS to that music festival you both went to, finding something in common can make bonding with a potential friend a lot easier. I also found that, despite being the anxious friend who worries they're always being too full on, sometimes the other person feels the exact same way, which can ultimately be counterproductive if neither of you want to ask to book that second friend-date in. It may be hard (and trust me it was for me!), but taking the first step can make you feel like you've accomplished something and take the weight off someone else's shoulders too. 

You're Not Going To Click With Everyone | Sometimes things don't go to plan and what you thought would be a budding friendship, just isn't. Breaking up with a friend is much harder the further down the line, but I'm all for giving people second chances as it may be shyness or they feel like they need to be more reserved for the first few tries. There's always going to be different types of friends, the one you see yourself laughing with in years to come, one that you may grab a coffee every so often or that work mate you see a few times a week, just because you don't click with someone from the get-go doesn't mean you might never again. 

It's Fun | Since making an effort to make friends, it's been so much fun. I feel like I've got somebody to talk to and just the process of even attempting to make a friend gives me a thrill. I touched upon this before, but one of my biggest worries in this whole process was coming across too full on or being too annoying, but actually so many people are in the same boat as me. Once I got over that (even though I've got a long way to go still), I realised that the person who you're texting to meet up may feel the same way about irritating you on your Friday evening too. 

Making plans for the future, having someone that understands you in some way or simply just having a giggle for a few hours are just a fews of the ways that it's helped me. Don't get me wrong it's still very much a learning process for me and I'm looking forward to what the next couple of months has to offer, but I'm very glad I followed through on one of my 2018 goals. 

What are your thoughts on making friends? 
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